For the past few weeks I have been struggling with my work. At the moment I'm into programming a GUI in MATLAB for a listening test which will eventually be published as a paper. But before that I need to sort the theory section. Now where's my calculator?
I'm so envy with my colleague right now, Mark, because he only takes like a few minutes to finished up a program but it would take me a week to do mine. Take note that all my colleagues are men and I'm the only girl in my group. Imagine the pressure. And sometimes I feel that my confident level goes down gradually over the years. I need to pick my self back up.
Honestly, I've been having this pressure of seeing most of my friends (on FB) either working hard and earning money or having their first new born baby. Not that I want one right now, having a baby and a new commitment that would change my life drastically is the last thing on my mind. And I do earn right now. I'm earning while I'm doing my PhD. Gee! When I put it that way it sounded like it's so easy but believe me the hardest part of doing a PhD and getting free money while doing it is finding my own motivation. Every. Single. Day. Seeing my husband working happily and not able to worry about work when he's home is sometimes can be quite depressing. But then again, I am so grateful of where I am today.
I learn that when you're young you have the tendency of being very ambitious and wanting to do a lot of things at the same time. I know because that's what I am right now. I want to have a PhD and at the same time I want to work as a professional. I also want to continue my passion for volunteering work and travel the world but at the same time I want to build a family (well this one come and go as it like but most of the time it doesn't come) or maybe doing passionate businesses. It's confusing being young but again I'm grateful and I rather not be content.
Throughout this journey of being young and confusing there's one important lesson that I learn. It's to take one thing at a time. Yes, we worry and we think about the future A LOT! some even emailed me and mentioned their worriness of not being able to continue their master degree while in fact they are still in their second year bachelor degree. So my best answer at the moment is "take one thing at a time". This goes the same to me. Because it help us to be focused and strived to do our best today and prepared for tomorrow.
20 comments:
I like this entry si much sebab macam boleh relate dengan diri i sendiri.
I lagi la. Terasa rendah diri tengok semua orang ada Degree, Master, Phd, own family & baby. I? Diploma je. Kahwin pun blom. So basically i have nothing la kot kalau nak compare dengan orang lain. Sedih sangat2. Depress tak payah cakap la (Ok mata dah start berair while typing this).
Ok dah tak tau nak tulis apa..
P/S: Enjoy your holiday!
And oh. Yeah i agree with u. "take one thing at a time". So true la. Macam in my case, hari tu i ada sambung belajar. Buat PJJ. Tapi still cannot go sebab dengan beban keja lagi. I realized i agak susah nak belajar & keja at the same time. Macam mana la nak sambung study camni.. :(
Salam,
u rite hana,
Being young sometimes make us greedy.
itu nak, ini nak. macam-macam nak achieves.
Not contented with what we have. Manusia, normal lah kan?
However, we have to be gratitude for what we have now.
And 1 things i learnt & observed, in what ever situation , what ever we face in front us,
We have to learn to Love what we have ;-) .
Good Luck Hana!
wow you're programming a GUI in MATLAB? omg i remember those times where i had to deal with MATLAB, MINITAB, and now R. geeeeez me actuarial student no like those softwares! :p good luck with your work! (:
one thing at a time! yes indeed a wise word from a very wise person like u hana :) it's good to hear that u are doing well with you PHD. as for me here in the country, certain things are totally different and some i'm not familiar with, at least to me. wherever life might take us to, at least we have the lovely people that we can hold on to. u go girl :) love and hugs.
well said babe! I feel as if there's no break, until the work (i.e. thesis) is done! though I have been slacking once in a while (or maybe more than that) but, it's true, motivation is the key.
But the question is, what, if any, drives that motivation?....
HOpe Kak Hana having a wonderful vacation! Ermmm betoi2. SOmetimes atil pon rase quite difficult bile dah lame cuti and then kene masok sem baru. Tp Kak Hana, u can do it! Hehee. Take care! ^^
kak. i ade tanye question dkt formspring akak. ade masa, akak tlg jawab. tqvm ;)
I'm earning while i'm doing my PHD too...it's motivate me so much. At least, i semangat menghadap paper and regress the data using the 'alien' software ;( . At the same time, I pray my baby will do the same as me too. Insyaallah.
Kak Hana! Dib here, your ex next door neighbour @ TC. Boleh tak pretty please nak kirim few things? If only it won't trouble you.
Ur a strong one. I don't think I can manage a baby and at the same time do a PhD. But maybe if I did locally things would be slightly different.
Yes, we can do it sama2!! hehe
HAHA good question. To be honest I can't find the answer until today. Unlike others I know they have babies so that's their motivation.. But us??? lol..
Awww..terima kasih wahai aida :) Experience is the best teacher!
Haha, I'm impressed. I don't even know what is MINITAB and R.. good luck with you too.. I think once we get the hang of it it'll be fun :)
yes, Islam mahu kita sentiasa bersyukur supaya kita sentiasa berpijak pada bumi yg nyata :) Good luck to you too!!
Yes, I really understand that it's hard to study and work at the same time. But my bestfriend is doing it as we speak! And one thing I realized is that, she lost most of her social life. But for the better future :) Insya'Allah. She sacrifice a lot and she deserved the best!
Hey. Chill out okay :) Some people doesn't even have a life like you have right now. And some don't even have a sweet bf like u do.. And I believed people that have all sorts of great stuff in life is due to their sacrifices and who knows what hell did they went through to get to that stage.
Salam Hana,
sy pn plan nk sambung blaja jgk tp dlm 2 thn lg sb nk tumpu keje dulu..kadang2 tu rasa scary nk buat PhD..takut,risau pn ada, macam tak confident,hehhe..emm further study kt local ngan overseas mmg byk pro n cons..tp mmg kena byk bersabar masa buat PhD ni, (dr pengalaman kawan2)Hana, guna GUI Matlab ke?buat research pasal ape?sy pn ada jgk guna GUI MATLAB n Simulink..tp buat DSP je..
ape2 pn all the best utk Hana..
kak. i ade tanye question dkt formspring akak. ade masa, akak tlg jawab. tqvm ;)
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